Because this is what happened yesterday.
I was standing in the queue at the checkout of a well-known high street store minding my own business with my little boy strapped to my front in his baby carrier, when an aroma of brussel sprout proportions attacked my nose. Now, do not underestimate what a stinky stink this aroma was. I need smell-o-vision or would that be smell-o-blogsion (?!) to fully inform you how awful this smell was – but I can assure you it originated from the bottom area of a person.
However, it was when the woman in the queue in front of me took a gigantic step to the side away from me in John Cleese impersonating the Germans type style that I realised that there was more than just a stinky smell about to erupt.
The woman in question – a bitter looking critter, a bit like a gnarled old beech tree – then must have said something along the lines of 'how can you stand that stench?' to her husband because I quite clearly heard him say, as he stood right next to me, 'I'm holding my breath'.
Now I'm no fool. I know as well as the next parent that some real stinkers can emanate from a baby's bottom, but I can tell you this particular stink was nothing to do with my 10 month old little boy. That smell was man sized. The work of one too many McDonalds. Pasta stars and petit filous could never make that brand of smell and on such a grandiose fug like scale.
I was a little suspicious of the teenagers who were stood behind me in the queue to be honest. They looked far more like the culprits. In fact at this point I was still giving this wizened old bag the benefit of the doubt. I found it hard to think she was really making such a show of her believed - but mistaken – horror that a baby had soiled his nappy in a public area.
However, as she and her husband moved away from the checkout area post-paying and I saw her looking with daggers shooting out of her eyes and the words 'nappy' and 'should take him out of the shop' floated across the stinky smog towards me, I realised the glaring truth. She was that rude.
I was too in shock/mild mannered to confront her in person but this is what I would like to have said.
Point one. Just because you smell a stinky bottom blowing smell don't assume it's the baby in the queue next to you. Point two. Even if the baby in the queue next to you had soiled his nappy do not be so obnoxious as to think it is right and fair and kind and just to make such a show of being so outrageously outraged over the fact you are having to smell it. We all did it once.